


Death Isn't A Good Look For Patriots

by AnxietyCentral (HeyDreichInTheCradle)



Category: Avengers (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Insomnia, M/M, OTP Feels, Other, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18844054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyDreichInTheCradle/pseuds/AnxietyCentral
Summary: Steve thought he was never going to see Tony again. He thought he'd have to spend the rest of his life rebuilding what was lost and making up for a man nobody could replace. Then he realised he had one last shot at finding him-one last universe undiscovered.But what's the cost of bringing back a dead man, and more importantly, can he pay the price?





	Death Isn't A Good Look For Patriots

Steve couldn't sleep for thinking about Tony. More importantly, the grief that consumed him whenever his thoughts turned to the man:in idle moments, walking past monuments, whenever he stared into the surface of his shield, hundreds of hours spent staring into his grief and wondering whether it would have been better for him to have made that sacrifice. To have snapped, leaving behind only his chosen family, and not a grieving wife, the girl growing up without a father, and the boy who never had one anyway, but lost the closest thing. And of course the rest of the Avengers, all still in a broken haze, even two years later.   
It had been two years of slowly breaking...it started when he stopped sleeping. He'd never been a great sleeper, he owed that to the camps and barracks where the many bodies of others and the relentless pressure had him lying awake many nights, only sleeping when he passed out from sheer exhaustion. But somehow, this was worse. He spent his days idling, ignoring all but his most pressing responsibilities-food tasted like sandpaper, talking seemed like far too much effort, and the future stretched out like an endless night, dark and terror inducing, too many thoughts crowding his mind. 

He had tried to fix it, tried every universe possible, venturing to hundreds of timelines and then some, but to no avail. Maybe, he thought during one of those many nights, this was the universe punishing him, some kind of cosmic imbalance. But then he thought about Peter, Pepper, Morgan and all of the lives the Man had touched, the many vigils and marches and days dedicated to the world's hero, and guilt stabbed at him. He meant little to Tony, and most of the time they'd spent together was spent fighting or arguing, there were hundreds more people who weren't so paralysed with grief, and they were his nearest and dearest...But the grief was there, like a hollow ache at best, and it showed no signs of leaving. 

There was still one thing left, aside from an option he kept locked away in a box under his bed, never allowing himself to dwell on it for top long, but always feeling it's presence. One more universe, the most dangerous and convoluted yet, hidden away on the other side of infinity. It was a far reach, and the chances of him getting back rapidly waned the further in he went, but when the option was presented to him, he took it with a kind of hope he hadn't felt in more than a year. That was yesterday, but even as the alarm (4:41) sounded and he made his way out of bed, nerves seized him. 

That was new, as well. It had started one night, the curdling in his stomach and banging heartbeat leaving him gasping for breath, it happened so often sometimes he forgot to be scared, but they only got steadily worse, he would have to lie still and breathe slowly for hours at a time to feel something resembling normal recently. His nerves were right, his gut instinct on point as always, but he was nothing if not brave, or stupid depending on who you asked, and that was the thought he held onto as he made his way outside, into the terror of being a hero.


End file.
